^MeRry ChRistMas^

It's Christmas Day again. This year's Christmas is busy and lonely. I am still single, available and lonely after all this while....same as the Christmas last year. But the difference this, this year's Christmas had added some hatred and disppointment. Why cant poeple just do what they had promised? Why people will keep their promise from some small little thing?

Experience and lesson taught me that, do not anyhow put high expectation on a person unless you really know that person well. Some times I really do not understand how come a person can forget what they suppose to do or choose not to do some thing that is important because of some thing that is not important? It's ridiculous!!! It's our responsibility to do what he had promised. How are people going to believe us or give us important task if we are irresponsible?

This year's Christmas is busy as well. We went for many places to carol such as Yatch Club, Park Hotel, Bugis Junction, Sentosa.... It's fun! I knew lots of friend through choir camp and caroling session. It's very obvious that every 1's relationship had became better and better. And it's fun to "anyhow sing" while we are walking to MRT station after caroling session.

Although it's quite tiring, shoulder and leg quite pain, but i still enjoy it. I enjoy when see people smiling and sing along with us. Haha,quite pity Feng Xia and Chin Yuan when teaching us cause we are always out of tune. I will never forgot how Chin Yuan looks when we are out of tune. Thanks for Alicia's help as well,haha... Here ar some pictures during caroling session....

While caroling in Bugis Junction

After caroling in Bugis. ^Cheeze....^

In Carefour,Suntec

We are so "pro" right?

We wish you a Merry Christmas,we wish you a Merry Christmas......

Something interesting!!!

无聊，真得无聊！
从来没有见过这样的情侣。
半夜夜谈无所谓，
可是需要“糖沾豆”到带着耳机睡吗？
原因是可以听对方snoring 的声音？
Ridiculous!!!

爱情真的是那么的特别？
还是。。。erm。。。无聊？
我也不晓得。
或许有一天，
我会亲身体验吧！
晚安/早安咯！！

空虚

问世间情为何物,直教人生死相许?

近来时常听到这一句话。这一句话在港剧《神雕侠侣》中时常听见。杨过身世坎坷，可是我觉得最可怜的，莫过于是李莫愁。虽然李莫愁杀人无数，可是这也是因为受过的创伤而导致如此的局面。

有时候会有些羡慕李莫愁，至少还可以把自己的悲哀，憎恨，嫉妒而发泄出来。心中的空虚，哀愁以及愤怒，会有人明白吗？近来做许多事情都不能专心。心中还是一直想着一些事情，一些曾听过，也令我感到懊恼的话。为什么我会把这些东西看得那么重呢？难道我真的到了不能自拔的地步吗？

鼎晟啊鼎晟，你几时变得那么傻？我时常都在问着这一个问题，可是就是想不出答案。我明知道[它]是不会为了我而付出的，可是为什么还是傻傻的期盼呢？不管我怎么等，结果都还是一样。别人时常说付出也是幸福的，可是为什么我一点都不感到幸福？当你受到某个限度的创伤的时候，你就会发觉，盲目的付出是愚蠢的。

在绝望中，在迷茫中，在彷徨中，在懊恼中，我发觉本来的自己已经消失了。我不知道还能从那里找到原本的自己。每当想起这些事情个时候，心中都会感到一些莫名奇妙的寒意。有时真地感到很冷，很冷。可是又有谁会让我感到温暖呢？

一路走来都不容易，还以为能熬过去，可是却发觉自己还是老样子，还没学会怎么把一切都给忘记。朋友时常都叫我不要去想，不要去理会，可是我做得到吗？我能够把[它]给忘了吗？

孤独

“近来好吗？”
“还不是老样子，和以前没什么分别。”

“还在为以前的事而烦燥吗？”
“算是吧。有时，心情还蛮低落的。真的不知如何要把心中的话说出来。有时觉得很辛苦，因为总是喜欢带着面具面对身边的每一个人。要等到几时我才能把真正的自己展现出来啊？许多人都觉得我很开朗，有稚气，喜欢笑。可是谁又会晓得我内心有多么的冷呢？”

“你是真么了？劝过你多少次？还痛不够吗？”
“你以为能那么容易忘记吗？真的像你想像中那么容易放手吗？如果真的事那么容易的话，我早就做到了，何必等到今时今日呢？我也很想把一切都抛开啊。可是每当想起[HP事件]就会令我心碎，伤心，甚至掉泪。为什么快乐的不会是我呢？我也不知为什么自己会变得那么笨，明知会被伤害，还要傻傻的闯过去。我知道痛，可是就是不甘心。”

“是你自己选的啊，为什么要怨天尤人？”
“我不懂，我不知道，不要问我！有时我真得很想埋怨上天为什么要让我承受这样的痛。这么多年了，为什么不能让我有脱离的时候？为什么不能让我享有我要的成果？想着想着，看着看着，心里真的好不舒服哦。虽然这不是第一次受伤，可是不知为什么就是习惯不了，还不能承受这种痛。”

“不要再这样折磨自己好吗？不要再让自己受伤好吗？你这样子不辛苦吗？”
“辛苦，当然辛苦。可是我又能做些什么呢？我就是不能把[它]给忘记啊，我就是做不到！”

“够了，够了！！不要再这样子好吗？你身边还有很多关心你的人，不要让他们伤心好吗？”
“不！！我就是放不了手。明知不可能，可是我就是不甘心。为什么从小到大我忠是要承受一些我不喜欢的东西，我不想要的东西？小时甚至到今天，被人嘲笑，被人看扁都已经受够了，可是为什么到今时今日还要再受这样的打击？我就是不甘心！！我就是不想放手！！”

“被人嘲笑？那是因为你自己的行为是到别人如此对你啊”
“不！！我没有的选，这就是我！我从小到大就是如此啊。如果有的选，你认为我会选折要让自己走这样的路吗？这是我想的吗？为什么是周围的人就是不能了解我？心在痛的时候谁又会理会我？”

“不要再想了，好吗？慢慢把它忘记，好吗？”
“不能！！ 我就是做不到。我尝试了很久啊，我也等了很久啊，可是我就是做不到。你知道孤独的路有多难走吗？我的心就是要往哪儿去。我就是忘不了啊，我就是放不下啊。我嫉妒，我不开心，我就是不想这样就放手！！”

“算了，怎么说你都听不进的。竟然你选折了这条路，为什么还要埋怨别人？”
“我不懂，不要问我！！”

“不要再这样子了，好吗？你已经知到结果是如何，为什么还要苦苦追求下去？不可以乖乖得让自己好过点吗？不可以对自己好一点吗？你问问你自己，你哭过多少次？你痛过多少次，你烦过多少次？这还不够吗？还要这样吗？”
“。。。。。”

COuSin's WeDding

On 1st of December was my cousin's wedding. Luckily my last paper is on 28th of November, so I can attend her wedding. On 30th of November, we went her house for buffet dinner and start helping her to prepare some of the necessity that she need on the next day.

Due to the reason that most of my cousin's sister friends are in Singapore and there are not much female "not-yet-marry" relatives, so, some of the handsome guy like us also have to help my cousin to be 姐妹 on 1st of December.

On the next day, we went to cousin's house early in the morning to prepare some of the materials that we need to "play" those 兄弟. It was kinda interesting,haha... They have to push up, eat the weird food that we had prepared, and do some weird stuff before they can enter to my cousin's room. Of course, the most interesting part is bargaining the ang pau that they gave.

That night we had wedding dinner ar Concourt Hotel. The flow was smooth, every thing was fine, the food are nice and of course the bride was pretty. I felt happy that my cousin was smiling happily whole night. Best wishes to both of you lo. =)

secocok right?

My Parents

The "Brotherhood"

My cousin and me =)

^YuhoO^

Finally, exam overed....

Last month was a stressful month due to the final exam, ECA stuffs and some personal problems. Some of my friends said that I am acting weird in the exam period. Ya, I admit it. Some times, I don feel like seeing and one or talking to anyone. Haha...who does'nt actign weird during exam, I think the "whole world" are acting weird that moment.

The "war" is overed. What about the result? I am kinda worry about my exam result this time. I had no confidence in most of my paper. Hopefully the result will not disappoint me. =)

Went back home for 4 days right after exam,yippee.... miss my family so much, of course, miss KL's food as well. Although went back home not long, but wtill enjoy it alot. Now I am back to Singapore again for choir camp and caroling... Hope that I can go back home again lo...

=Stress=

Life is kinda stressful recently due to the final examinations are driving near. Every day is still the same. Slack and watch movie for the whole afternoon and start studying from evening till late at night. There are a lot of stuffs and equations to remember.

Econometrics is really killing me. I hate of maths, hate of equations, hate of statistics. But still cant help it, no matter what, I still need to work hard to get better result. Realising that there are still a lot of stuffs that we learned in econometrics that I did not understand. I don not espect much from it, just hope that I can pass this subject. At leaast, PASS.

International trade is kinda confusing. I am rivising chapter 3. There are lots of stuffs and equations turning around here and there, it really make my brain turning round and round at the same time as well. Notes are long, and of course, boring.

Money and Banking are another tough subject as well. Starting of the semester, it is still OK. But starting from the middle of the semester, it became more and more tough. Couldn;t understand it well due to the messy notes and a "not so presentable" lecturer.

Of course, my "personal life" still as messy as usual. Some times, I really feel like crying and thorw out all the things that is struggling me deep in my heart. But, just not understand why I couldn's do so. Are there still many things that I am worry about? Or, I just wan to act strong?

I miss the life before the semester start. I miss the holiday. Miss the day that I spend with my buddies, miss the FOC, and of course miss the "jalan jalan cari makan" session. Life was just nice at that moment. But, we stil need to move on and face what is ahead of us right? Hopefully I can pass all of my subjects this semester. Thanks to papa and mama who are always caring enough. Miss you guys a lot. Cant wait to see you guys...

Dreamz

There is a "dream" that always playing and playing in my mind...

Keep repeating and repeating...

That is the "dream " that I always hope it will come true...

I have been waiting years and years...since young until today, I am dreaming and waiting for this dream to come true.

But life is not as easy as what I think...There are many disappointment and sadness that always happen around us....

Since young, many people thought that I am cheerful and always out-going. But, do they know what I think and how I feel deep inside my heart??

Do they know that how many disappointment and hardnesship that I had gone through?

How long shall I wait some more to see the sunshine that I always dreaming of?

Will my dream come true?

无奈

站得太久了站得腿也麻了，
哭得太久了哭得眼睛肿了，
我不知道为什么一切会变成这样，
连晴朗的天空也突然的下起雨来了。

近来时常下雨，也时常挎着大风，我的心情也像风雨一样，起落不定。有时大雨，有是小雨，有是挎风，有是乌云密布。就连我自己，都摸不清楚自己要些什么。人家眼前理智，不易受风雨摆布的我，已消失了。不，我从来就没有理智过，我只是带着面具来面对身边所有的人。我并不是人家眼中那么的坚强，其实，我内心还有很多脆弱的一面。

为什么这两年的这个时候都会发生一些大同小异而又伤得我最痛的事情？我不想再去支撑下去，也不想苦苦的等待。可是每当我有这个想法的时候，心中却有一些莫名其妙的不甘。我不甘心就这样放手，我不甘心就这样把之前的耕耘铲除掉。

有时心中有很多矛盾。同样的路已走了很多遍，看过了同样的风景，领悟过同样的孤单，经历过同样的结果，为什么我还是要一而再，再而三的走同样的路？这些问题我也问过自己好多遍。答案也多的是。可是内心却坚决要走下去，内心也一直盼望着不同的结果。

感谢好友的慰问以及鼓励。可是很想告诉你们，你们是不会明白我有多么的无奈的。虽然时常和TRIPLET说心事，可是很多时候会发现，他们也不是那么了解我。

我到底能够做些什么呢？希望我能什么都不想，安心应付考试，可是，我能做到吗？

Is That True?

Am I a Nerd?

You Are 20% Nerdy

You are definitely not nerdy - in fact, you probably don't know any nerds. You probably care a little too much about your image. No one will know if you secretly watch Star Trek reruns!

How Nerdy Are You?

Am I a perfectionist?

You Are 68% Perfectionist

You are a true perfectionist. You are both demanding of yourself and others. While it's great to have goals and standards, they don't need to be sky high!

Are You a Perfectionist?

What Mythological creature am I?

You Are a Mermaid

You are a total daydreamer, and people tend to think you're flakier than you actually are. While your head is often in the clouds, you'll always come back to earth to help someone in need. Beyond being a caring person, you are also very intelligent and rational. You understand the connections of the universe better than almost anyone else.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

How Scary Am I?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

I saw this interesting site from 1 of my friend's blog. Try this out,it's fun.

身不由己

为什么还要这样呢？为什么还要这么残忍？你还疼不够吗？你要让自己受伤到几时？


近来，心情都一直不太好。不是烦考试，就是烦其他东西。有时会很恨自己，为什么选上了自己会后悔的路？明知不可能，为什么还要苦苦闯过去？


老早之前，就知道自己的命运和别人不一样，可是，却不听劝告，如今搞得自己不知如何是好。前进也不是，退后又不甘，已经到了左右为难的地步。


鼎晟，受伤过三次还不够吗？不疼吗？你要到几时才能好好学会保护自己？


不，我不是不会保护自己，而是，我选择错下去。我不甘心就这样放手。虽然已经不相信有“它”的存在，可是不知为什么，还在傻傻地等着。曾几何时，我爱上了幻想。总觉得幻想让我至少还有少许的归属感，安全感。虽然知道这一切是假的，是虚幻的。可是，这至少让我有些满足感以及短暂的快乐。


有时觉得很冷，很孤单。再也不想从前，有知心好友无时无刻的在我身边。我觉得自己已不再像以前无忧无虑的自己了。现在总觉得自己时常都在背负着许多东西。疲累，没有人会知道。有压力，没有人会理会。 有心事，没有人能够去诉说。不知还要等多久，我才能浩浩荡荡，萧萧洒洒的做回自己呢？


考试来临了，我能够收拾这一切，安心准备考试吗？

Updates.....

It had been a long time that I did not update my blog.

Let's talk about my holiday. I enjoyed my holiday a lot back in Malaysia. I went Pulau Redang with my form 6 friends and I also went to Ipoh and Genting Highlands with my NTU friends. They visited me in KL and guess what, we watched Transformer in Cineleisure. That's the first time I went Cineleisure,sua gu hor...

Redang trip was quite fun althought it's a bit boring, cause I went there last year. But, I still enjoy it a lot because I got to fellowship with my form 6 buddies. There are some of the picture that I took when I was in Redang with my friends.

Ipoh trip was fun, we ate lots of nice food and went lots of nice place, thanks to our friend Siew Hong that fetch us here and there with his Unser. We went tong sui gai eat desert, ate Nga Choy Gai, Ipoh Dim Sum, nice and famous claypot chicken rice, drink Ipoh white coffee and many many more.... After Ipoh trip, my NTU friends came to KL and visit me, we went Genting as well, but kinda boring there,haha... Here are some of the picture that we took when we were in Ipoh and Genting.

Hope you guys enjoy the picture that I uploaded. Will update more about me next time...see ya...

I am updating my blog in Media Resource Library while I am working there. Can see that I am super duper free.

This few weeks, nothing much to do in the library because there are lesser people visiting library due to school holiday. Our supervisor ask us to do work slowly, as slow as we can, the slower the better. I refresh my email account, MSA forum and friendster uncountable time while I am working here. Damn slack! Although it's quite boring, but I enjoy it because I can earin money by doing not much work, hehe...

I am going back to KL this Friday, and going to visit my grandparents who are staying in Cameron Highland. Hope that they are alright. To my buddies, miss you all le, hope to see you guys as soon as possible, see ya.

Long time did not update my blog. Ya la ya la, I am lazy la...haha...

Lots of people are having their holiday now, but not for me. I am taking special semester, hardworking leh? I am taking special semester because i want to clear my credit hour earlier so that i can more relax in my final year and concentrate in my Final Year Project. Besides, I am also working in library, Singapore really offer good salary leh,haha...

I am taking a module named Experiencing Digital Animation for this special semester. Really interesting le, we got to do our own cartoon, geng leh? Don jealous ya...haha...

Life in Singapore still OK. Nothing much, just that a bit busy for studies and activities.... Hope that every thing will go accordingly. :)

Guys, I am going back to KL next week le....hope to see you guys soon, muacks....

UpDates......

First of all, would like to say "sorry" to all of my friends who view my blog always. Quite busy and lazy recently, therefore, did not update my blog for a long time. Happy Chinese New Year to you guys, hope that you all enjoy it a lot.

2 weeks before the Chinese New Year make me really exhausted. Got exams and bunch of activities and problems waiting for me to solve it. Internatonal Games and Heritage Club's event was the highlights for that 2 weeks. For International Games, I am the Welfare Director for that event. I need to handle the welfare, food, drinks and first aid for that event. Luckily, Every thing goes smoothly althought there are a lttle bit of misunderstanding between the main comms. For Heritage Clubs, I need to pass up the proposal and deal with the person inchanrge of all activities in NTU which require me to think an write a lot. But, through all these events, I gain a lot of different knowledge that benefit me.

I enjoyed my Chinese New Year alot althought I need to come back to Singapore for some make up lesson. I enjoyed the moment when hang around with family and friends. I start to learn how to appreciate and love my family and friends better. I appreciate every thing that they had given to me althought it is only a short sentence of wishing and caring. Parents will always worry everything for me such as daily expenditure, food, and money that I need in Singapore. Thanks a lot papa and mama.

All activities for this semester is over except Heritage Week. I know it's time for me to focus 100% on my studies. I pray that I can use all my times well and score better compared to last semester....

= 2007 =

2006 had pass. Now have to prepare to face another different year,2007. Last few days was not that happy,because I got my result. Not really satisfied,not really good compared to others,but I will keep up my work,even work harder to strike the best I can.

2006 pass really fast... Before August,just do nothing every day. 1st semester end really fast,and now have to prepare for second semester le. Hopefully I can really discipline in this semester and study hard but not play and watch movie every day.

Guys...lets gambate together la k? Happy New Year to every one.....