曾经抱着许多希望, 可是到头来还是失望连连. 已经不懂得如何在面对.

庆幸的事,身边还有很多好友.谢谢你们.

These days, being emo again. Lot's of thoughts, experiences and pain suddenly appear in my mind again. I thought that I have gorgotten all of them, but, I didn't realise, it is still deep inside my heart.

Lately, there are many things happening around me. Being a little bit frustrated but I am still able to handle it. Have been keep scolding myself for repeating the same mistakes over and over again...

Hopefully we can sort things out later... Missing home...

SORE

Today is the worst day ever, although I gave myself more time to prepare.

Yellowstone - Old Faithful

Just came back from 3 hours of hiking. Wanted to go to the Faries Falls, but failed. Because the track was closed because bears and bisons might be there in groups. It is dangerous for hiker to hike. Along the way, saw lot's of geysers, pine trees and dead tress. The weather was great, cooling yet not too cold. The journey was kinda far, we keep walking walking and walking. Luckily, we brought our lunch along or else, we will starve. Ended up, we realise that the journey back will be damn long if we walk back. Guess what we did? We hitch hiked. Hehe, it was fun!!! There's this very good couple fetch 5 of us back to old faithful again. Thank GOD!

These days were fun. Kept hiking and sight seeing. The scenery here really nice. It makes us relax and of course, it makes us emo too. Was emo for the pass few days, but....it still ok. It takes time. Slowly it will be alright... Hopefully...

Yellowstone

Cool weather, nice scenery, full of wild life...Yeah, this is Yellowtone, A place that I am going to spend for the next 10 weeks. Snows are every where, freaking cold some times, even my ears will feel pain when I walk from 1 building to another. Starting to work tomorrow, still don't know what to expect yet. Hope for the best. =)

Some Updates

I am writing this post in Denver International Airport. Have been traveled for the pass 24 hours. I reached Changi Airport at 4:30am yesterday (Singapore time) due to "some one" disturbing us last night in chalet. My flight to Tokyo was 7:10am (Singapore time). Butt damn pain whole day. Now still need to wait here for 7 hours for my next flight to Bozeman. Yawn..... still donno what to expect for my WAT program...hopefully everything is great!

Finally, it's the end of my degree life in Nanyang Technological Univerty. It's time for me to work and try out something different. I still couldn't believe that this 4 years over that fast! I am still not ready to face the reality yet. There are still many uncertainty, about job, about my future, about...

There will be many things and people that I will miss. Of course, there are still things that people that I need to forget. It's time to put a "full stop" for my university life and start a new paragraph on my future, my career. I am still looking for a job. Hopefully GOD has mercy enough to give me something I like, and I want.

I will be flying off to USA this coming Sunday. I guess this is a good time for me to really think about what do I want to achieve in future. Hopefully when I come back on 25th July, I will be pretty sure on what I want to be. =)

Life is always like that. People might not appreciate what you have done to them. They will just run to you whenever they need you. But when they don't need you anymore, they will think that you are irritating.

He/she might not doing something important or urgent. He/she might just watching show or MSN with other people or playing Facebook. But they just feel irritated even you are only asking a very simple question.

I shall just ignore...ignore....and not to care that much. I know it's pain, but 1 day, I believe that it will stop bleeding...

可惜不是你　陪我到最後　曾一起走　卻走失那路口  感謝那是你　牽過我的手  還能感受那溫柔

担心，苦恼以及失望的事终于发生了。

想着想着，还不是因为自己笨？

曾告诉过自己，不要再有那样的悲痛，

可是，还是一步一步的迈向无底洞

还记得我和你的点点滴滴，一些我们曾经走过的日子

可是，一直到你有了自己的将来，自己的希望，自己的天地

该憎恨你，还是祝福你，我不知道

我很迷茫，我也恨自己，我也想要逃避

看着你对另一半充满信心和甜蜜时，在一旁的我不知如何是好，充满悲痛，可却要装着诺无其事

恨你，恨你在我生命中留下那么大的痕迹

恨你，恨你再让我陷入这种悲痛

恨你，恨你把我所付出的一切给磨灭

你从来不曾理会我，珍惜我昨过的一切

有些不服，因为你觉得他比任何人重要

为什么？为什么？

你要我如何面对你？

你要我如何在你和他面前伴得开开心心祝福你？

You are only a whisper a way
But I can't feel your heart
Standing alone and waiting here
In a dark and freezing night

Walking at the darkest path
Hoping you to appear
Hoping you to make all things warm
But it just never happen

I'm alone, holding dreams that never come true
A thousand dreams that I still believe
Hoping you to give all of them to me

I've been waiting for you
to tell me what is love
I don't know how to be love
And to make you stay here
Missing every single moment
That we have shared together
Why dreams will never come true
Hoping you for an answer

It's freezing.
The kind of feeling where no one bother you,
No one care for you,
And every one is away from you.
People only find you when they are in need,
When you can help them,
When they have a favor in you.
When you are no longer useful,
They will just ignore you,
abandon you.
Who know whether you are in pain, when you are hurt.
They don't really care.
Why should I still do so much,
So much until letting so many things to hurt myself?
I shall be selfish,
I need to protect myself,
I need to love myself....

Fairy tales will never happen

Things are changing, every one is also changing, except me, I am still stepping on the same ground.

Every one already proceed to chase for something they want, but I am still staying here and waiting for things to happen. Looking at the past, I realised that I am doing the same thing over and over again without caring whether it is worth waiting or not.

I do not blame GOD for that, indeed, I thank HIM for fulfilling all the other things that I need in life. Going through all these, I thought I will use to it, and no longer have any feeling on it. However, I realised that the pain is still in me, deep inside my heart.

I am trying to be faithful, yet some times, the same question will still pop out from my mind. "Since that YOU know everything that happened in the world, why do you still want me to suffer in this way?" I know I shouldn't question HIM this way, because I was the one who chose this path.

I was some one who are faithful, some one who love HIM no matter what happens. However, I realise that my relationship with HIM have became far apart these years. I can no longer find back the feeling I used to have. Questions and quesntions a;ways pop up from my mind. Pain, disappointment and hatred stand in between HIM and me.

Not only that, indeed pain, disappointment and hatred also brought me apart from my friends. I used to be some one who are bubly, friendly and will definitely wave to some one when I saw that person even I am not close to that person. But lately, I chose to avoid. Although some times I saw some one who I know or I work with, when I saw that person coming from far, I chose to avoid that person by walking another or seeing other things and act that I never saw that person. Why things can change so much and so fast? Am I real to myself? Which 1 is my real character?

I am no longer what I used to be, I have been hiding and acting....hiding and acting....

一个苦者找到一个和尚倾诉他的心事。
他说：“我放不下一些事，放不下一些人。”
和尚说：“没有什么东西是放不下的。”
他说：“这些事和人我就偏偏放不下。”
和尚让他拿着一个茶杯，然后就往里面倒热水，一直倒到水

溢出来。
苦者被烫到马上松开了手。
和尚说：“这个世界上没有什么事是放不下的，痛了，你自然就会放下。”

Human beings are weird. Some times, we might willing to sacrifice every thing, just hoping for something that we know it will not happen. Some times, we might even losing ourselves, our own selves.

I have been hoping, praying and waiting. Some times, I don't know what I really want. I have been acting strange, not being myself, and doing things that I am not suppose to do. I was the person who care for people, by people's side when they are in trouble. But lately, I chose to be selfish, I chose to protect myself more, I chose to love myself more. There is always this thought come to my mind: There are no one there for me when I am in pain, why would I be the person who always care for others? I shall just love myself more. Yeah, I know I'm bad.

I have no one to talk to, or, I would say, I have no one that I am willing to share my thought. I was some one that people looking up to, I was some one that people always trust, I don't want people to know about something that is bad about me. Yeah, I know that I am being fake for quite some times, and acting in front of people.

People always think that I am some one who are out going, happy and cheerful. But actually, there are something deep inside my heart that feels bad, sad and hopeless. Am I still the Teng Seng that I used to be? I doubt so... I seriously doubt so.

Thinking back, I wasn't the person who like to tease people, I wasn't the person who are full of sarcastism, I wasn't the person who will play some dirty trick. I used to be the person who always get bullied, the person who people always looked down at, the person who people always laugh at. Slowly I realised, the person I can trust the most is my own self. I must stand up to protect and to defend myself. Did all these changed me into some one different today?

Hmm, I guess I am emo-ing...AGAIN...

Some Updates...

Never update for ages.


I am here to update again.


Busy for FYP and choir concert lately.


Kind of worry bout choir concert, every thing is just so so so so slow as compared to previous years.


Choreo, script, and singing still not that good yet.


FYP is a big headache.


Couldn't get data.


Couldn't get results.


I'll work hard for both of them.


Pray hard...