This Is Me

Coming alone to Singapore was not my choice. I do not know why I chose to be here. I do not understand why I wanted to be here. I do not foresee how I can survive alone here. I felt lonely the moment I stepped into NTU. Everything was unfamiliar to me, the buildings, the people, and every single thing.

To protect myself against the potentially harmful uncertainty, I act, in front of parents, acquaintances, friends. I am tired of being pretentious. I may appear strong outside, yet I feel weak inside. I feel unsettled deep in my heart, worrying about every single day spent in NTU, tormented by the possible problems I am going to face, and all these lead to sleeping difficulty. If only I were a little more sociable, a little more composed, and a little more mature, I may not need to worry as much as I am now. Or, am I simply being overly pessimistic?

I am still attached to my life at home. I miss my parents dearly, tears often stream down my face by just talking to them on the phone. I miss my peers in Malaysia too. It saddens me to realize that friends come and go in our life, and it is impossible to be together forever because we have different goals and visions to pursue. Nonetheless, I do not want to feel upset all the time as this affects my studies and my emotional stability.

Since this is the destination I have chosen for my next four years, I must adapt well and persevere through. I must have faith in myself and in the will of God. I will seek strength from the Lord. “Lord Jesus, I need You. Please bless me with faith and the strength to persist on to eventually achieve my goals.” Amen.

*Please read the comment after you had read this :) *